I'll start with my own parents. I could not dream of better grandparents for my children. When I first became a mother, I came to know and understand my mother in a whole new way. This understanding continues to grow as my journey in motherhood continues. So having my parents turn into grandparents has been a really important experience for me personally. That said, my parents have a phenomenal relationship with both my children - most especially our daughter. She was the first grandchild for my parents, and my mom has committed to spending a lot of time with her. Their bond is palpable. My father as well is the typical doting grandfather who constantly shows pictures of his grandchildren to any and all that cross his path. Even our son who is just 7 months is bonded to both of them. It's amazing to watch.
My son's biological grandparents are very committed to maintaining a relationship with him, and I would say that that also extends to building a relationship with us. I have always felt extremely comfortable around them. I think the fact that we all speak Spanish helps things tremendously, but beyond just that, they strike me as very welcoming and warm people. They bought things for little G before he was born, and continue to bring things for him whenever we see each other. I feel so lucky to have that connection in our lives, and most especially in little G's life.
But life is not all roses in the grandparent category for us. When we first brought little A home, my dad spoke to his father (my grandfather) and told him the news. Apparently my grandfather made a snide comment about the fact that she was adopted - or maybe adoption more generally, I'm not sure - which really set my dad off. I don't know what it was that he said, but my mom said she could hear my dad going off on him from across the house. My dad hung up the phone and they never spoke again. My grandfather died one year ago. In fact, I didn't know the details of this story until he died. My father had never mentioned the conversation and while I knew that my father and his father weren't speaking, I didn't know the reason that had prompted the freeze. I'm not surprised at all by my grandfather's behavior. I had heard him in the past say horrible things related to adoption, such as, in relation to his wife's grandchildren - all of whom are adopted - "I also thought it was a shame that [his wife] never had any of her 'own' grandchildren." I never mentioned to him that we were even in the process of adoption because I knew how he felt about it. He only ever spoke to me once about little A, and it was a generic "congratulations". While I feel sad about the way the relationship between my dad and his father ended up, I also think of my dad as a bit of a hero to stand up to him like that, in defense of this little girl that he loves so fiercely.
