Motherhood: It's a process

Not that I didn't think it would be. But I suppose I could never realize how much of a process it was until I was in the thick of it.

It's been a wonderful and hectic month. We were in Chile for much of November and then almost as soon as we returned we headed to my parents house for Thanksgiving. We got back from Thanksgiving and I started work the following day. Tomorrow marks week two of my return to work.

In that month little A has stopped sleeping through the night, grown seemingly every minute of the day, cut two teeth (they are coming in simultaneously and just now starting to show), traveled to South America (via Canada), seen snow and the Pacific Ocean, and in general just become a much more active and interactive person. I fall in love with her more and more by the minute.

When our social worker first visited us at home after Addie's placement with us she asked when we fell in love with her. Part of my answer was that we started falling in love with her before even meeting her. Which I feel is true in a way. But the love I felt when I laid my eyes on her is much different than the love I feel now. Now there are very specific things that can bring out that love - a kind of love that I've never felt before and am having trouble putting in to words. A love that brings tears to my eyes.

I am still getting used to being seen as a mom - especially now that I'm back to work and am towing those two identities. In addition to being the mom I've been feeling so much more lately like the boss of my household. Not in the sense that I boss people around but in the sense that everyone looks to me for answers to (what feels like) every detail of the day: should we pick her up? why is she crying? should we feed her? what should she wear? what should we eat for dinner? Ok, so it's not like there are that many people asking me. The truth is it's only been Mr. P and my mom this past week (and occasionally my sister/brother-in-law/dad) but it sure has felt exhausting to be THE one with the answers. This is not a new role for me in my family, as you might guess. It's just compounded by the fact that now I'm a mom, too.

This coming week I feel is going to be the real deal. My mom was here last week staying home with little A while I went to work. Tomorrow we start taking her to a babysitter (Mr. P will take her in the morning - thank god for that - and I'll pick her up the afternoon), along with having to manage all the household and work responsibilities. I am anticipating that this transition will be difficult.

In adoption-related news, we saw K's social worker at our agency recently and she is going to try and set up a meeting for all of us in January. That would make me incredibly happy. We've sent another letter and pictures to K through the agency, but we're not sure if she's received them since they can't mail them to her house (privacy reasons). She is a busy woman these days managing job(s) and life in a new country, but I am hopeful that we'll be able to see her again in January.

I've basically been a non-blogger in November, but I did promise some pictures of this blog's namesake. I'll post them separately. If you want to see pics of little A, send me an email and I'll send you the link to our A-only blog. I don't really want to post more pics of her here.