overwhelmed

Anyone out there still reading? Okay, good. I'll continue then.

This month has been totally overwhelming in ways good and not so good. I returned to work this month, so that's been a big challenge. Even after juggling everything for only a couple of weeks it feels a lot better but the first week was pretty bad. I had a day that first week when I got home from work/picking up A from her babysitter and had to wash bottles, launder the cloth diapers, take out the dog, and make dinner, put a teething baby to bed ... and I just couldn't see how I could handle it all. But then it got better. The diapers were washed, dinner was eaten, A finally went to sleep, and the next day was a new day. Did I mention that A has been crying herself to sleep each night to the tune of one to two hours? Yeah.

Of the many realizations I've had this month, one is that being is good teacher is fucking hard. Very hard. I have felt like a mediocre teacher this month and that has sucked. It's been a bit rocky since I don't know my students very well yet and it's a particularly high-stress time of year with high stakes testing around the corner (thank you No.C.hild L.ef.t Be.hind!! - Obama, could you get on that pronto??) I am convinced that January will be a much better month. Tomorrow is our last school day of the calendar year and I'm (already) ready for the break. We did have a totally kick-ass mock trial today, though, where my students put Harriet Tubman, a fictional slave girl, and Frederick Douglass on trial for the laws they broke (we've been examining what it means to be free and whether or not it's ever okay to break the law).

And after all of the stress of this month, today I had this feeling of complete happiness come over me when I took the time to reflect back on this truly amazing year. It's still hard to believe. Last year at this time we had just had our first homestudy meeting. We had just started reading the books our agency has us read as part of that process. We were tentatively (very tentatively) excited about becoming parents for real. Not like, let's stop using birth control, or let's chart my temperature, or let's "just relax" - ha! - but for reals this time. OMG.

And now. And now. We have an almost-five-month-old daughter who has two teeth, a strong will, a full head of black hair, and who has completely stolen our hearts. She is an amazing human being and we are so lucky to share our lives with her. It's been a beautiful year.

Based on my bloggy lameness over the past couple of months, it's likely that I will not be back here until 2009. If that be the case, let me wish all who visit here a joyous and peaceful holiday season and the same for the year to come. May many of your dreams come true.