softening....

After just a day of being a mom, I can feel the knots untying in my stomach, and a general softening in my entire body. I realize now how much I had guarded myself against this ultimate wish that I had. After years of wanting to start a family, I have learned to guard myself against baby commercials, kids in strollers and kids in playgrounds. I haven't avoided any of these things, but I now realize that when I encountered these things in my life, I had a kind of feeling that, hey, don't get too envious there, don't wish for too much. I think I was constantly trying to prepare myself for the possibility that I may never have children.

What a difference a day makes. Just walking about last night and this morning, I feel a different physical and emotional reaction when those commercials come on and when we encounter other babies or kids in the street. It makes me sad to think of how I felt for all those years. It was what I needed to do, and I think it did indeed help me get through many difficult moments, but I just want to go back and give my old self a hug and say, "this WILL happen for you. It will happen."

So for all of those out there that are still waiting to start their families, I am sending you an enormous, virtual, blog hug and saying, "this WILL happen for you. It will happen."

Meeting with K

We first met with K at around 4pm on Thursday, the 14th. She was very strong, and began the meeting (thankfully, since I was so beyond being able to express myself!). She started by telling us how she knew that we would be the best parents for her daughter, that we would be able to provide for her everything she deserved, and she thanked us repeatedly for giving this to her daughter. We thanked her for bravery and strength and her love for her daughter and assured her that, yes, our intention is to be all of those things as parents.

K told us a bit about herself, her interests, and her hopes for her daughter. She asked us a few questions about our childcare and education plans for our child. We also discussed the baby's name. She told us the name she had chosen and why she had chosen, and told us that we should feel free to change the name to whatever we wanted. We asked her about the name we had discussed - which is the name of Mr. P's grandmother as the first name, and as the second name we wanted to keep the name that K had chosen, which also happens to be the Spanish equivalent to my grandmother's name! She agreed to that name. We also discussed openness, and we are so thrilled that K also wants to have an open relationship, with visits, phone calls and letters/pictures. No one in K's family knows about the baby or the adoption, so we can't really contact her. We gave her our phone numbers at the end of the meeting, and we have spoken once on the phone since.

The most intense moment for us during the meeting was at one point when K looked at Mr. P in the eyes and said, "I know you will be the best father to my daughter" then looked me in the eyes and said, "I know you will be the best mother to my daughter."

After our meeting on Thursday, K signed all the paperwork allowing us to adopt her daughter. On Friday, they told us that we would meet our daughter for the first time on Monday, the 18th (today!!!) at 11:30. So right now we are just a few hours away from meeting our daughter.

These last few days have been filled with baby preparations. Everything has happened so smoothly and our apartment has been magically transformed into a home for A (our daughter). My mom came up on Thursday morning and is still here. She has been absolutely incredible and we couldn't have gotten this ready without her. This is the first grandchild for my parents, and they are just over the moon.

So this is my last post as a pre-mom. I'll be back with more mom news!

just a quick note....

..... to let you all know that K did indeed decide to place her baby girl with us. This is happening!! We still don't know what day we'll have the placement, but I should know by the end of the day.

I'll write more later today about our meeting, which was truly amazing.

Thanks so much again for stopping by. It makes us feel so great to know how many people are thinking about us as we go through this process. Please send your thoughts and prayers to K as well, during this time.

More to come .... (that's the understatement of the year, right??)