Mini-me?

Last night I had the pleasure of going to a friend's house for dinner - it was like a date with myself. Mr. P stayed home with little A. Over the past month or so I've had the chance to go out a couple of times without little A for a social outing - not just to go to work - and it's been nice. The three of us were invited to the dinner last night, but bringing little A out into the cold, cold night and interrupting her sleep didn't seem worth it. So I went alone.

The other invitees, as well as the host, are all single folks without children. Soon after arriving I was asked about little A and we started talking about how we plan to raise her to be bilingual/bi-literate. (On a somewhat sidenote - as soon as we started this conversation my friend stopped us all to note that even though I was "out-numbered" by single non-parents, we were STILL talking about kids, an annoyance that I can simpathize with.) From bilingualism the conversation turned to baby sign language and I was asked my thoughts on that, to which I offered that while I don't have strong views on baby sign language, I do believe that many baby/child products, trends, movements, etc... seem to be more for the adults than for the babies/children. So then the conversation turned to why people have kids in the first place. My friend and the other guests at the dinner felt pretty strongly that people who have chosen to have children do so for purely selfish reasons; to produce mini likenesses of themselves. Hmmm. The feeling I got was that perhaps I was being exempt from this selfish behavior becuase I am an adoptive mom. Hmmm.

I have to say that the conversation really shut me up. I don't believe that my reasons for wanting a child as an adoptive parent are so drastically different than any other parent's reasons for wanting a child. As an adoptive parent I was asked to spend much time explaining my reasons for wanting to parent a child through adoption, both in writing and in person. But when this conversation was happening in front of me last night I found myself unable to counter the arguments with anything intelligent. I don't feel like I want to produce little mini-M de P's as a parent, but at the same time I don't view having a child as a purely altruistic enterprise. And I certainly don't believe that choosing to be an adoptive parent somehow makes me a selfless parent (because I can parent a child who doesn't share my genes - Imagine!)

So I woke up this morning trying to find my own answer to this question - why I wanted children. I think I've wanted to parent a child for so long that in some ways I stopped asking myself why. I just feel it. I know it in my gut. Just as I felt I wanted to be a teacher. And felt I wanted to spend my life with Mr. P. But I do think it's a question worth asking and answering. I plan to do some writing about this to work it out, whether it's here or in my paper and pencil journal. What are your answers?